Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize