You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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