I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
