We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
