Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
