I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
