Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Randomize
