I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
