never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Randomize
