am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
