why didn't you poke me back
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
