don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
