You smell like stripper and shame
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
