I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
