ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize