Me too!
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
