My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
