If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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