I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
No more Irish car bombs ever.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
