I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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