were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
