hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
are you so shy because you have an std?
even my farts smell like vagina
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Randomize
