you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize