Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
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