He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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