Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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