I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
This toilet bowl is my home.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
