So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
