My girlfriend figured out who you are.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
