Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
