You just made me feel so damn special
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
