I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
