Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Dear god my vagina.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
