so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
