I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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