I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
