can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Randomize
