I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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