i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
