No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
