So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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