What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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