I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Never underestimate the power of titties
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
