I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
