Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize