I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i love accidental penises.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Randomize
