what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
