I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
