Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
