sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
