I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Randomize
