And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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