it was like eating out sand paper
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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