I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
