and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
so let's talk penis.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
