Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
