I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
