During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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