lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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