Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
