my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
