GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize