sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
