i would punch a child for taco bell
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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