Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
