i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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