Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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