Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
