You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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