if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
