I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
