A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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