I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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