I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
