I wanna bring you to show and tell
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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