Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
