Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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