Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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