Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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