Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize