The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
