Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
