who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
